Better to euthanize your child rather than have them brainwashed by Obama.

So many haters, man. I might not agree with everything Obama says or does. I might not agree with a lot of things. But Jesus Fucking Christ. Can't the president address the children? It's not like he's starting a war without the approval of congress or anything. Omigod. We should be grateful that he gives a shit. Oh no. Oh no. He's brainwashing the children. By having them write an essay on their educational goals? Mmmm. He's a socialist. If you're so goddamn afraid of socialism, you better hand over your unemployment, social security, medicare/medicaid, foodstamps and whateverelse the government helped you with.


I think I might be more concerned that Cartoon Network, Xbox or Facebook was trying to brainwash my children. But the president? If your children have the capacity to be brainwashed by one presidential address, there's no hope for them anyway. You might as well euthanize them.

Fucking Breeders (or Fucking Kids)

Warning this may be offensive to you if you have children or are planning to have children. I’m not sorry.


The neighborhood is a little quieter. I think the little fuckers are back in school now. I’m all about year-around school and uniforms. They play in the road. Litter. Ride their bikes through our lawn. Pull the branches off our stubby maple. Beat each other up. Fucking kids. Can’t wait until the annoying ice cream truck retires for the season. A little snow and the fuckers will be holed up in front of a TV with a game controller in their hands. Next summer I hope to have a thorn barrier, hedge roses and raspberry bushes. Ride through the lawn now bitches.


I remember this little old lady at the nursing home, M.G. She was a stick of her former self. She had been a missionary. Never married. Never had children. Traveled the world. Met Ghandi. Did all sorts of self-less things, I’m sure. One thing she said has always stuck with me, “Married people don’t do anything.” She said this with such conviction and snobbery. But I think she was right. We get into relationships, and it becomes all about the honeymoon phase and how we can see more of each other. It’s all about being up each other's butts. Then we either get comfortable or continue to do nothing to improve ourselves. Or we become unhappy and try to find things that will make us as happy as we were when we first met. This is why people have children, because they are bored or unhappy. Instead of fixing themselves, they create a younger version of themselves, hoping these younger versions will turn out better. Will do more. Have more. Be more. And just maybe the parents can live vicariously through their child’s experiences. Can’t anyone stay happy and childless? Everything is too perfect or drama-free in their lives, so they must procreate it.